Tips For Elderly Drivers

Not that I want to hack on the elderly, I know that I'm rapidly approaching that point in life myself, but this week I have been confounded and frustrated in my driving by little blue haired ladies and befuddled old men, so here are some tips that might help the youth challenged members of our society.

1. It may be hard to believe, but your car will go faster than 25mph, go ahead, try it out, you might find that you like going as fast as the cars that are passing you on the right and flipping you off.

2. With regards to #1, if you choose to go slower than the posted speed limit.....GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE LEFT LANE!!!

3. Pick a lane, any lane, just because it's easier for you to navigate the SS Old Fart by straddling the pretty white line, the rest of us that are stacked up behind you would appreciate it if you would just pick one lane or the other, not both.

4. I bet that your car will probably be able to turn onto that side street or into your driveway while still moving, there's no reason for you to come to a complete stop before turning.

5. The traffic light only comes in one shade of green, no matter how long you sit there and stare at it, it won't turn any other shade of green, but it will turn yellow and red after you decide to move, therefore effectively stopping any of the cars behind you from making the light.

6. Keeping 12 car lengths between you and the car in front of you and slamming your brakes on every time a car pulls into the space in front of you really isn't necessary.

7. I realize that your Cadillac has a 25 foot long front end, but do you really need to pull half way out onto the right of way and block traffic while you wait for the light to turn a different shade of green?