Some Things I Learned In Iraq

1. Incoming mortars and outgoing artillery sound the same and both will make you fall out of bed in the middle of the night.

2. Hiding under the bed during a mortar attack doesn't really provide you with any protection it just reminds you that you haven't swept the floor lately

3. It's just easier to stay in bed during mortar attacks (see #2)

4. The civilian contractors that work on post make way more money than I do, and they don't get shot at or blown up.

5. Iraqis will leave dead work animals (horses, donkeys) where ever they drop.

6. A pack of dogs can eat a whole horse in 4 days.

7. The chaplain doesn't appreciate penis jokes.

8. No matter how large the crowd or how angry they are, a warning shot will get you peace and quiet and instant compliance.

9. A tank gun tube can be used to lift a pickup truck off the ground if you get it in the drivers window just right.

10. Dogs get very possessive about the human arm that they are eating and will not voluntarily give it up when you ask for it, even if you ask nicely.

11. When you see wires running from under the hood to the trunk - stay away and call EOD.

12. EOD guys don't like it when they're working and you yell "cut the blue wire!"

13. That big red fuzzy softball coming at you, duck stupid, it’s a tracer.