THE GENERAL
Leaps tall buildings with a single bound.
Is more powerful than a locomotive.
Is faster than a speeding bullet.
Walks on water.
Gives policy to GOD.
THE COLONEL
Leaps short buildings with a single bound.
Is more powerful than a switch engine.
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet.
Walks on water if the sea is calm.
Talks with GOD.
THE LIEUTENANT COLONEL
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine.
Is faster than a speeding BB.
Walks on water in indoor swimming pool.
Talks with GOD if special request is approved.
THE MAJOR
Barely clears Quonset hut.
Looses tug of war with switch engine.
Can fire a speeding bullet.
Swims well.
Is occasionally addressed by GOD.
THE CAPTAIN
Makes high marks when trying to leap building.
Gets run over by locomotive.
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury.
Dog paddles.
Talks to animals.
THE FIRST LIEUTENANT
Runs into buildings.
Recognizes locomotives two out of three times.
Is not issued ammunition.
Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of a Mae West.
Talks to walls.
THE SECOND LIEUTENANT
Falls over doorstep when trying to enter building.
Bays “Look at the Choo-Choo.”
Wets himself with a water pistol.
Plays in mud puddles.
Mumbles to himself.
THE NON-COMMISSIONED OFFICER
Lifts buildings and walks under them.
Kicks locomotives off the tracks.
Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them.
Freezes water with a single glance.
HE IS GOD.
