Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Leaps tall buildings with a single bound.
Is more powerful than a locomotive.
Is faster than a speeding bullet.
Walks on water.
Gives policy to GOD.
Leaps short buildings with a single bound.
Is more powerful than a switch engine.
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet.
Walks on water if the sea is calm.
Talks with GOD.
THE LIEUTENANT COLONEL
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine.
Is faster than a speeding BB.
Walks on water in indoor swimming pool.
Talks with GOD if special request is approved.
Barely clears Quonset hut.
Looses tug of war with switch engine.
Can fire a speeding bullet.
Is occasionally addressed by GOD.
Makes high marks when trying to leap building.
Gets run over by locomotive.
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury.
Talks to animals.
THE FIRST LIEUTENANT
Runs into buildings.
Recognizes locomotives two out of three times.
Is not issued ammunition.
Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of a Mae West.
Talks to walls.
THE SECOND LIEUTENANT
Falls over doorstep when trying to enter building.
Bays “Look at the Choo-Choo.”
Wets himself with a water pistol.
Plays in mud puddles.
Mumbles to himself.
THE NON-COMMISSIONED OFFICER
Lifts buildings and walks under them.
Kicks locomotives off the tracks.
Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them.
Freezes water with a single glance.
HE IS GOD.
Monday, December 28, 2009
12. "What the fuck do you mean we are sinking?"
––Capt E. J. Smith of the RMS Titanic, 1912
11. "What the fuck was that!?"
––Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945
10. "Where the fuck did all those fucking Indians come from?"
–– Gen Custer, 1877
9. "Any fucking idiot could understand that...."
––Albert Einstein, 1938
8. "It does so fucking look like her!"
––Pablo Picasso, 1926
7. "How the fuck did you work that out?"
––Pythagoras, 126 B.C.
6. "You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling?"
5. "Where in the fuck are we?"
––Amelia Earhardt, 1937
4. "Scattered fucking showers my ass!"
––Noah, 4314 B.C.
3. "Aw c'mon. Who the fuck is going to find out?"
––Bill Clinton, 1998
2. "What do you mean there is no fucking key to my ankle bracelet?"
––Martha Stewart, 2005
1. "Geez, I didn't think the conservatives would get this fucking mad!"
––Barack Obama, 2009