You May Be a Taliban, If ...

• You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
• You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
• You have more wives than teeth.
• You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon 'unclean.'
• You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
• You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.
• You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
• You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
• You've often uttered the phrase, 'I love what you've done with your cave.'
• You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
• You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.
• You've ever had a crush on your neighbor's goat.