New Doctrinal Terms for the US Military

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the battalion level. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are generally profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

ASS-CLOWN: A leader who demonstrates comedy to effectively wow the seniors to believe he actually has operational knowledge of the task at hand. In actuality, he has no clue and truly doesn't understand the mission.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and promotability by kissing up to the commander. This process can be observed first-hand whenever senior field grade officers are near general officers.

BEFUCKLED: Confused, characterized by a state of genuine, profound disorientation; perpetual state of all support units.

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around the headquarters discussing why a suspense was missed or a mission failed and who was responsible. Typical activity among general staffs...

DEJA MOO: The feeling you've heard this bullshit before. Usually heard during USRs, QTBs, etc.
DICK DANCE: When two guys work together on a mission and never get it done because both of them want to lead

FLEX: A really cool sounding non-doctrinal term used to maneuver a unit from one location to another. Used primarily when you don't have a clue where you are or how the hell to get to the new location.

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time after hitting the "enter" key in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of a $200,000 inertial navigation unit to get it to work again.

POUND THE SHIT OUT OF: Somewhere between disrupt and destroy and slightly more than neutralize. Typical Cavalry mission. One of several terms that vaguely refers to fighting the enemy. It is generally used in pep talks prior to the beginning of a battle. When used, it is a sure indicator that your unit is about to lose.

SEAGULL COLONEL: A colonel who swoops in, makes a lot of noise, and shits all over everything.

TECHNIQUE: A noun, used in the phrase, "That's a technique." Translated, "That's a really f***ed up way to execute this operation and you will probably kill your entire unit. But if you want to do it that way, go ahead."